What If...?
by Andrew Horning

Ever since GW Bush's "let's go shopping" speech just after 9/11, ever since the plastic and duct tape days of color-coded fear, I've had a fantasy. I've fantasized that our President would find his inner Texan and issue an entirely different kind of national address.

I've dreamed that the President would solemnly take the podium. and with the snapping flashes and murmuring of a press corps taken by surprise, he'd say the following:

"My fellow Americans, I was wrong to play king in a nation built by self-governed patriots. I was wrong to assume that the rules of nature and of history and of God had been rewritten so that bureaucracy and politics and treaties could work when they've never worked before. Please accept my apology.

"Okay, enough of that. No more fear-mongering over box cutters and exploding shoes. I'm here to tell ya that we're goin' back to what made America great. Yes, I'm talking about gun-totin', tax-hatin' free-livin' 'Mericans. I'm talkin' about rednecks and roughnecks and hard-headed, steel-spined 'Mericans of every color and creed who've always been there to say, "Let's Roll!" when the government screwed up.

"So here's the deal:  I'm declarin' open season on terrorists because it should always be open season on terrorists. No limits, no minimum size, no license required. You bag 'em, we'll plant 'em. All right boys, get your camo gear and go get 'em."

And then, without taking questions from the press, the President walks off the stage.

Yes, I know. Such a speech would produce immediate and, to most of us these days, horrifying results. There'd be beer bottles and tobacco spit everywhere. Bullets would fly, things would explode, and mistakes would be made. Dark beards and Arab fashion would be worn by only the very brave. And of course, people of every age and description would work, talk, and even drive much more respectfully and cautiously. 

But within a few days of whoop-hollerin', giddyup gunslingin', and a type and degree of destruction that could only be American, the fear of global terrorism would be laid to rest. American males, whose behavior and inclinations have been taboo since 1973, would see their testosterone-laden masculinity restored to its natural relevance.  Most importantly, the sissy-pants Neville Chamberlain "peace process," UN-loving twitterpates would fall silent in slack-jawed horror that violence really does end violence.

Okay, so this sounds crazy. But haven't we been acting even crazier?

America ain't what it used to be, you know. With every new law, government power, and lost liberty, "the system" changes and decays into a very old human default: authoritarianism. We're working longer and harder for less and less, while our government becomes the enemy we used to fight (visit The Freedom Farm for what I think we should do about that).

But also consider who we've been told is our enemy: zealous men who know what they're about. Big, clumsy bureaucracies have always lost to such passionate foes. In other words, David always kills Goliath. The USA was David in 1776 and 1812; we are Goliath now.

Fine, forget the redneck fantasy. How about this one:

I dream of being David once again. I dream that we wouldn't give a hoot about who attacks us but rather keep our eyes on what we defend. We need to re-learn what we're all about and stick to it. We're supposed to be about liberty, right?

The nation that started as a tax protest is now choked on more taxation, regulation and litigation than all the other nations earth combined. But we can still throw off our shackles and be John Wayne. I say let's do it. Because the question now isn't whether or not liberty will spread to Iraq. It's whether there will be anywhere on earth where people can live free.