Movie Review: Bad News Bears

Bad News Bears

I haven't seen the 1979 original, and wouldn't have seen the 2005 remake, either, if it weren't for the fact that Billy Bob Thornton is the star. I'm not a big fan of kids' movies, but I do like Billy Bob Thornton quite a bit. The good news for the Bad News Bears is that it does have Thornton. Without him, most of the rest would be bad news, indeed.

Morris Buttermaker (Billy Bob Thornton) is a drunken exterminator with a big chip on his shoulder. His one threadbare claim to fame is the fact that he once pitched — briefly — in the Major Leagues. Despite some expertise in the game, it's unclear how it is that Buttermaker becomes a coach unless it's that straight-laced lawyer Liz Whitewood (Marcia Gay Harden) couldn't find anybody else to handle a team of complete misfits.

Whitewood, whose son Toby (Ridge Canipe) wants to play baseball, has sued the local league when some poor players including her son aren't allowed to play. That means that the kids nobody else will have are placed on a team everybody is forced to accept, and that that team is coached by a man who is almost certainly the last choice for the job. For his part, Buttermaker will put forth some minimal effort to earn the check he clearly needs, but the team is far beyond even the most heroic of work ethics.

Toby has the will, but little talent. Tanner Boyle (Timmy Deters) has drive in spades, but he's physically small and carrying a big bad attitude. Mike Engleberg (Brandon Craggs) isn't otherwise hopeless, but he is fat and out of shape and he knows it. Timmy Lupus (Tyler Patrick Jones) actually is hopeless. Prem Lahiri (Aman Johal) just wants a stint in summer baseball to show up on his future college résumé. Garo Daragebrigadian (Jeffrey Tedmani) wants desperately to be like other American kids, but is having a tough time both with his own skill level and his disapproving Armenian father. And Matthew Hooper (Troy Gentile) is a wheelchair-bound paraplegic!

Somehow, Buttermaker is expected to coach his team of misfits into facing teams consisting of better and more experienced players. Chief among the rivals is the Yankees, a team coached by an egotistical car salesman by the name of Roy Bullock (Greg Kinnear). The Yankees as a whole delight in creaming the opposition, and the Bears are completely humiliated in their first time out. Buttermaker has a few tricks up his sleeve, however, not the least of which happens to Amanda Whurlitzer (Sammi Kane Kraft), the daughter of a woman he once dated and a talented pitcher. When local juvenile delinquent Kelly Leak (Jeffrey Davies) starts hanging out near the baseball field, Coach Bullock sees nothing but trouble. Buttermaker, however, sees something different.

Despite his bad qualities — and there are many — Buttermaker has a knack with kids who are also suffering in life. Maybe it's is predilection to tell them the unvarnished truth. Or it could be that it's his never-say-die attitude. Either way, and despite himself, Buttermaker does manage to teach the kids something before the season is over. And it's possible the kids teach him a few things, too.

Billy Bob Thornton is just terrific in Bad News Bears. In fact, if the language were stronger, he could almost be Bad Santa with a baseball bat. But this movie, though written by the same team as that which scripted the very funny Bad Santa, isn't as entertaining. Perhaps that's because they held back to avoid an R rating. Whatever the reason, the film suffers from an embarrassing lack of real laughs. That flaw lies not in Thornton's performance but in the lackluster lines he has to say. The acting as a whole is, in fact, largely good or better. But good performances can't raise the level of such a mediocre script much beyond mediocrity.

In fairness to the film and to baseball lovers, there are a few real game highlights, however. Sammi Kane Kraft is making her movie debut here, and it's easy to see why she was selected to play Amanda: Sammi is a champion pitcher in real life. Kelly Davies, too, is a gifted ball player. To watch them play is, even for a non-fan like me, impressive as all get-out. If you don't care about that, though, and Billy Bob Thornton isn't enough of a reason for you to see an otherwise sub par movie, I'd sit this one out.

POLITICAL NOTES: In some ways, Bad News Bears is a paean to political correctness and the current "self-esteem is everything" attitude so prevalent in schools across the country. Even kids in wheelchairs should be able to play whatever sport they want; even kids without any talent whatsoever should be treated as valued team members. The fact that things turn out largely okay in this movie likely bolsters those who believe that everybody should be able to participate in anything and everything they like. What people need to remember is that anything is possible in the movies, and that real life often bears little resemblance to the silver screen. In fact, I feel strongly enough about this very issue that I recently wrote an entire column about it. In summary, let's just say that I don't believe for a minute that everybody ought to be able to do everything — no matter how much they want to — if they can't, or if everybody else has to suffer so that they can. If we teach our children anything, it ought to be that everybody has their limitations.

FAMILY SUITABILITY: Bad News Bears is rated PG-13 for "rude behavior, language throughout, some sexuality, and thematic elements." Unless you want your eight year-old to begin spouting a whole lot of words you'd prefer he not be saying, I'd suggest you buy him a ticket to see something else. The film depicts fairly young kids using fairly rough language, as well as engaging in some rough physical behavior, and it treats it all as a joke. That's fine for older kids who know better, but not so good for the younger set. On the whole, I'd say the PG-13 rating is just about right.