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10-01-02: Actress Jessica Lange, accepting a lifetime achievement award at the San Sebastian Film Festival in Spain, commenting on the Bush Administration's foreign and domestic policies: "It makes me feel ashamed to come from the United States -- it is humiliating." In an effort to restore Ms. Lange's self esteem, Lady Liberty suggests she consider coming from somewhere else in the future. 08-09-02: Actor Woody Harrelson, in an interview with London's Daily Mirror newspaper: "The war against terrorism is terrorism." Afterward, Harrelson redefined "up" as "down" and "self-defense" as an anachronism. 08-04-02: Former Vice-President Al Gore, in a critique of the current administration published in the New York Times: "If President Bush wants to pursue honesty and integrity in the White House..." In related news, Gore will soon be changing his name to "pot" so as to facilitate his ongoing criticisms of the "kettle". 05-12-02: Talking head Cokie Roberts on ABC-TV's "This Week": "Anything that makes it easier to get guns is a bad thing." Lady Liberty is surprised to hear Roberts publicly confess she thinks the Constitution is a "bad thing". Perhaps Roberts meant to make an exception for law abiding citizens, but we doubt it. February, 2002: Senator Edward Kennedy (MA-D) said, in a statement read into the Congressional Record following the Super Bowl win by the New England Patriots: "At a time when our entire country is banding together and facing down individualism, the Patriots set a wonderful example, showing us all what is possible when we work together, believe in each other, and sacrifice for the greater good." Lady Liberty would like to know when it was that individualism became synonymous with "terrorism" and it begame good for our country to face it down. It seems to Lady Liberty that homogenization can only be truly appreciated in whole milk or a Communist state. Oh, yes. And apparently the state of Massachusetts. 02-12-02: Media mogul Ted Turner, in a lecture at Brown University in Rhode Island (Associated Press "Turner: 9-11 Was Act of Desperation") says about the 9-11 hijackers: "I think they were very brave at the very least." Turner did add that the hijackers "might have been a little nuts". Gee, do you think? 01-27-02: Professor Richard M. Berthold, Associate Professor of History, University of New Mexico, told his freshman class after the 9-11 attacks: "Anyone who can blow up the Pentagon has my vote." Berthold has been punished by the University: He won't be allowed to teach freshmen. For now. Apparently, upperclassmen will have been indoctrinated enough that similar comments in the future won't generate such complaint. 01-11-02: Kevin James, member of the "Vulcan Society" (represents black firefighters), had this to say about the design of a statue depicting the three white firefighters who raised a U.S. flag at "Ground Zero" after 9-11 as a more politically correct trio of white, black, and Hispanic men (Associated Press 01-11-02): "The symbolism is far more important than representing the actual people. I think the artistic expression of diversity would supersede any concern over factual correctness." Given his lack of concern for facts getting in the way, perhaps James should get a job with the NEA. He'd fit right in. ca. 1999: Representative Dick Gephardt (D-Missouri) made it onto "The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said" calendar for July 4, 2000 by saying: "What we have is two important values in conflict: freedom of speech and our desire for healthy campaigns and a healthy democracy. You can't have both." With the passage of Shays-Meehan, we can see which Gephardt chose. As an aside, Gephardt's oxymoronic statement is reminiscent of one of Lady Liberty's favorite classic oxymorons: honest politician. |
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