"Their View" Archives:

March 28, 2004

• 9/11: Blood On Bush's Hands?
• Entangling Alliances (Not On My Tires, You Don't!

March 21, 2004

• Creating Iraq In Our Image
• The New Face of America
  (Ranting Sheep Are But A Tempest In A Tea Pot)

March 14, 2004

• To Rock the Vote, Knock It, or Block It
• Why I Still Like Bush (A Word to the Pseudo Cons)

What They Thought April 4, 2004

R.A. Hawkins
Jonathan David Morris

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Jonathan David Morris:
The Governor is a Harsh Mistress

So get this: I'm getting married in August. It's true. In fact, I've been planning the wedding for more than a year; I just never thought to write about it before. So why am I writing about it now? Well, because it's occurred to me I'm marrying not one but two -- yes, two -- people. The first is someone I've known and loved for almost six years. She's nice. I think you'd like her. The second, however, is someone I don't know, someone I don't love, and someone who won't even be at the wedding. His name is Jim McGreevey. He's my governor.

Twisted? Well, yeah, it's twisted, but that's the way it goes. In order to make my soon-to-be wife my actual wife, I've got to fork over 28 bucks to the government. This is so we can purchase a marriage license. Yes, like driving and hunting, marriage isn't a "right" -- like gay activists say -- but a privilege passed out by bureaucrats. So the way I figure, since my marriage will require the State of New Jersey's consent as much as my fiancée's, the governor -- on behalf of our government -- must be part of the equation. Indeed, for her heart and mine to beat as one, Jim McGreevey will be like legal glue.

This presents me with at least three problems.

First, I'm not down with polygamy. I understand some folks are, and that's their right, but it's just a little too MTV for me. I like a nice, quaint, "Honey, I'm home" lifestyle. I can't imagine I'll have that with Third Wheel McGreevey over here. Every day will feel like a bad Stephen Baldwin picture. I've always wanted a marriage of the husband-and-wife variety. I'm not sure I could handle husband-and-wife-and-governor. Not at this point in my life, at least. It's a big responsibility. All those press briefings. All that political rhetoric at breakfast. You think crying over spilled milk is bad now, wait till it's a federal issue. "No, no, put the mop down," McGreevey will say. "I'm bringing in the National Guard. Let's leave this spilled milk business to professionals."

Second, as if thinking for two isn't tough enough, now I've got to think for three. Three cups of coffee in the morning. Three embroidered bathrobes. Three pairs of fuzzy bunny slippers. Do you realize how much money Jim McGreevey's going to cost me? My fiancée and I were hoping to go out and get a cat after the wedding. Maybe a dog, someday. Maybe even a kid. How am I supposed to afford these things when I've got Jim McGreevey's big mouth to feed? I'm out there busting my butt all day trying to make a living. Why can't the governor get a job like the rest of us? A real job, I mean. None of this public servant stuff. If you're such a public servant, Jimmy, turn off the TV, put down the pork rinds, and serve a purpose already. Get your feet off the table. Would it kill you to get out of the house more?

My third and final problem is I don't like Jim McGreevey. I mean I just don't like him. I didn't vote for the guy. I don't need him leaving the toilet seat up any more than I need him taxing me for my own good. How am I supposed to get stuff done with the governor watching me all day? "JDM, stop stealing cable." "JDM, don't bury that body in the backyard without a permit." I'm kidding, of course. I would never steal cable. But I think you get the point. Living with Jim McGreevey is going to be a lot like driving when my mom's in the car. All of a sudden I've got to stop at stop signs and follow all those other dumb laws that otherwise wouldn't apply to me. Who needs it!

In all fairness, though, marrying the governor wouldn't be without its merits. On the one hand (i.e., my fiancée's), for example, there's a great big diamond ring. This thing cost me a fortune. Now, that's not to say it wasn't worth every penny. It absolutely was. But, by point of comparison, the governor's $28 licensing fee looks like a real bargain, doesn't it? Advantage: Jim McGreevey.

But I'm going to stop now before I get in trouble.

Anyway, I suppose the point I'm trying to make here is I really don't want Jim McGreevey joining us in holy matrimony. To make matters worse, since it looks like we'll end up moving to Pennsylvania to take advantage of their lower property taxes, my bride and I will probably just end up swapping the Garden State's McGreevey for the Keystone State's Ed Rendell. He's a bit more down-to-earth than McGreevey, I guess, and from what I hear he's got good manners. But do I really need him reading over my shoulder or putting empty orange juice cartons back in the fridge? No. The answer is no.

But it's an inescapable problem, I'm afraid. No matter where I go, my wife and I will be unable to avoid this State-mandated ménage à trois. Someone will always be leeching off our incomes and stealing food off our table. If someone's going to do that, it might as well be our kids. But if McGreevey's going to do it while claiming to perform important services, I'd at least like him to perform services I could use. Like landscaping. If Jim McGreevey moves in and promises to mow my lawn and trim my hedges, he can sleep on the couch for all I care. Hell, if he waxes my car, washes my clothes, does the dishes, vacuums, and dusts, he can have the spare bedroom. I'll even give him his own slot on the toothbrush rack if he refills my drinks and answers to the sound of a bell. Failing that, however, I haven't much use for him.

Jonathan David Morris      Web Site       Contact

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Lady Liberty's "Their View" Contributors:

R.A. Hawkins
Richard Hawkins was born in Aurora, Colorado and grew up in Littleton, Colorado in a quiet little neighborhood nobody has ever heard of called Columbine Knolls. He has been married to the same woman for twenty-six years, and worked for the same aerospace company for twenty-eight. His primary interests over the years have been his family, sociology, mastering his survival skills, windsurfing, music, politics, raising wolves, art of all types, mycology, perma-culture, archeological anomalies, geo-politics and staying gainfully employed; not necessarily in that order. He often describes himself as a separate subspecies of human – ‘Eclecticus-Iconoclastimus’. His primary driving force is his unwavering belief that as sovereign citizens we are each responsible not only for our own beliefs and actions, but where those beliefs and actions take us in life: That the truly intelligent person learns to determine what the consequences might be for our beliefs and actions and then acts accordingly. Our individual actions always affect far more than we can imagine. R.A. Hawkins is the author of "Through Eyes of Shiva," available via Amazon.com. More of Mr. Hawkins' commentaries can be found on his web site, Entropical Paradise.

Jonathan David Morris
Jonathan David Morris is a political writer based in New Jersey. A strong believer in small government, JDM often takes aim at oppressive taxes, entitlements, and laws, writing about incompetence at the highest levels of culture and government. Catch his weekly ramblings on his web site.

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R.A. Hawkins
Hanoi John and Mutha Theresa
(Benedict Arnold Takes Aim at Benedict Arnold)
 
Lately there have been a lot of rumblings and rantings about what will Government do about creating jobs. This demonstrates the damage done by the liberal media more than about anything else I have read. First it has been the liberal mantra lately that Bush should do more to create jobs. Bush doesn’t and can’t create jobs unless they happen to be ‘Robin Hood shaft those that work, for the sake of those’ that don’t programs. Where is he going to get the money to make jobs in the first place? What kind of jobs could they possibly be for that matter? I can see it now: “Earn a fortune in spinach control with the national forestry service.” It isn’t Bush’s job to create jobs. The Government should stay out of the business of micromanaging free enterprise. I’m always concerned when any politician talks about creating jobs. If the jobs that were to be created had something to do with alternative energy that would make some sense…I guess. But to blame Bush for the hemorrhaging of American jobs is absolutely ridiculous. That has been occurring on Wall Street and no place else. It is the endless pursuit of easy money.

J. F. Kerry now wants to tax any company that is outside of the US in order to create jobs here. He is under the mistaken impression that this will drive the companies into making more jobs here. I wonder if he’s ever heard of Unions? Of course he has. That is whom he claims he is going to help. I’ll tell you what the end result of this will be. Prices will simply go up to defray the additional operating costs. Those companies who aren’t operating in China will be since it is a lot cheaper to hire people at twenty-eight cents an hour and look the other way when their government rips off their earnings for their war machine. He is simply saying he will force the companies to come home in order to pander to the Unions here. He knows full well that this will simply drive these companies into China’s waiting arms.

To hear him call the companies ‘Benedict Arnolds’ is a rare chance to hear an intelligent comment from him. Too bad he goes on to claim he has a fix for the problem. He is as lost as a goose in a hailstorm. He is planning on raising everyone’s taxes and he is at least kind enough to tell us that in advance. You want to see the economy implode? Raise taxes. That is what Bush 41 was party to. He, in the spirit of bipartisanship, caved in and when the taxes went up the economy went down. What a surprise that was. You want higher taxes? Vote for Kerry. Want less freedom and the loss of the ability to defend yourself? Vote for Kerry. But be quiet when you lose everything you have.

I can’t help but wonder if he will in some way manage to exempt his wife from his plans. Of the 79 manufacturing facilities she has, 57 of them are outside the United States. Will he suddenly begin calling her Benedictina Arnold? He should. Here’s a list of just a few of the things she supports through her donations. She gives her money to the Tides Foundation and through that, she supports CAIR, that wonderful organization which supports numerous radical Islamic cells in Egypt and other places. She is kind enough to also support another group that is at least here in this country, the BarrioWarriors who want to return several states back to Mexico. They support the Democratic Justice Fund Foundation, which also wants to ease restrictions on immigration from terrorist nations. Mutha Theresa Heinz of the radical left is much like her husband. She is on the other side. John Kerry is also on the other side. He has voted against the United States in just about everything he has done.

Many write to me about the “Protocols of Zion” and a collection of other books of a conspiratorial nature. One need look no further than the Democratic Party to see it all playing out. That is one of the reasons I am less than kind to those who write to tell me Bush is one of ‘them’.

Now, a brief word on the difference between Capitalism and Communism: In all actuality there isn’t one. The only thing that makes a difference is our Constitution. Capitalism can very easily turn into one of those little things where you find yourself having to buy only from the company store and working whatever hours they demand. That is what Soros and the rest of the liberals are pushing for. That is why they support all of the anti-war groups and all of the other communist fronts. To those out there who believe the war against communism is over. Wake up!

Joseph Farah’s G2 Bulletin has covered much of this in depth. I highly recommend it.

R.A. Hawkins       Web Site       Contact