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August 6, 2006

  • Iran Declares its Nuclear Bad Intentions
  • The Other Israel (India: A Power Waiting To Happen Again)
  • Is George Bush An Idiot?
  • What Congress Can Do About Higher Gas Prices
  • Why Kids Can’t Read: Challenging the Status Quo in Education

July 30, 2006

  • No Liberals in My Foxhole!
  • Liberal Lojic (Double Take On a Double Standard)
  • Fun With Hitler
  • IRS Threatens Political Speech

July 23, 2006

  • Do it Now or Do it Later?
  • Iran and I Won (The Downside of Elections)
  • World War III

July 16, 2006

  • The Fate of Lebanon and the Rest of Us
  • Mister Energy (Or Mister Kticulturennticulturedy)
  • What Happens In Vegas... Happens In Vegas
  • Federal Reserve Policy Destroys the Value of Your Savings

July 9, 2006

  • Water’s Nice, But Not as Ice
  • The Founding Fathers Order Cheesesteaks
  • The Worldwide Gun Control Movement
  • All the Shouting is Taking Us Nowhere

July 2, 2006

  • Are You Bored with Global Warming?
  • Demotivation As Motivation (Smiley Faces With Bullet Holes)
  • How To Not Be An Aggressive Driver
  • A New Declaration
  • Equitable Education is Possible

June 25, 2006

  • Islam’s Lethal Certitude
  • As Above So Below (Equilibrium Equals Gridlock)
  • The Baby Shiloh: Chosen By God To Stop Global Warming
  • Congress Rejects UN Taxes
  • Reading Between the lines

June 18, 2006

  • Past and Future Holocausts
  • On Decency and the Death of Zarqawi
  • Why Won't Congress Abolish the Estate Tax?

June 11, 2006

  • Drilling for the Future
  • Pretzel Think (Emoti-Cons on Parade)
  • What's The Deal With "Seinfeld?"
  • A Free Market in Gasoline The Annual Foreign Aid Rip-Off
  • A Brief History of the Palestinian-Israeli Conflict

June 4, 2006

  • Throw the U.N. on the Ash Heap of History
  • Thank God for Barry Bonds
  • A Free Market in Gasoline
  • Are guns to blame for Murder-Suicides in Switzerland?

May 28, 2006

  • Has John Kerry Morphed into Al Gore?
  • Pseudo-Intellectual Insurgents (On the Nature and Origins of Liberalism)
  • On Barbaro: The Horse That You Hold Dear
  • Stop the NAIS
  • The Arrogance of the Not-My-Fault Generation

May 21, 2006

  • Predicting Hurricanes. Not!
  • Civility (When Four Year Olds Rule)
  • Love Me, Hate Me: George W. Bush and the Pursuit of Presidential History
  • The Declining Dollar Erodes Personal Savings
  • Why Should We Tolerate Guest Workers?

May 14, 2006

  • Drug Choices, Bad Choices
  • Conventional Wisdom vs the World
  • True Foreign Aid

May 7, 2006

  • Late Word from the Oil Patch
  • Paying The Price (The Other Side Of Free Choice)
  • An Open Letter to the FCC
  • Foreign Policy, Monetary Policy, and Gas Prices
  • Measuring Achievement Against Objectives

April 30, 2006

  • An Inconvenient Al Gore
  • Euphenasia (May Day Suicide)
  • A War on Iran is a War on America
  • Policy is More Important than Personnel
  • The Customer is Always Right

April 23, 2006

  • Goose-Stepping Iranians
  • Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed (Conspiracy or Stupidity - Who Cares?)
  • The Hidden Threat America Faces That Not Even Securing Our Borders Can Solve
  • Sanctions against Iran
  • A Think Tank’s Credibility Tanks

April 16, 2006

  • Homeland Security? You’re Kidding, Right?
  • Try Being Honest For Once (Why The Fear?)
  • The Truth! (As We See It): A Special Note From The White House
  • Don't Complicate Immigration Reform

April 9, 2006

  • The American Empire
  • If You Love Your Country, You Should Question 9/11
  • Cough Up
  • A Battle Cry for Freedom

April 2, 2006

  • The Attack on the U.S. Dollar and Energy Needs
  • Corruption (Gas Pains)
  • How Our Shortsighted Media Got Us Into War
  • Making the World Safe for Christianity
  • Love of Country

March 26, 2006

  • Re-Thinking Iraq
  • Murder By Dearth (Professor Plum in the Library w/o a Clue)
  • The Failure of the Iraq War
  • The Perils of Economic Ignorance
  • Sticks and Stones Can Break my Bones

March 19, 2006

  • The Illegal Immigration Time Bomb
  • The Idiots and The Oddity (Liberals, Greek Action and History)
  • It's Time To Forget September 11th
  • Congress Should Read the Bills Before they Vote!
  • It’s Time to Revisit the Electoral College (Redux)

March 12, 2006

  • Endless Environmental Lies
  • McCain Not So Able (Eye On The Leftwing Whiners Circle)
  • By a Show of Hands, Who Cares About The First Amendment?
  • How Government Debt Grows
  • Genocide Has Become Benign

March 5, 2006

  • Thinking Like an Arab
  • Formulaic Thinking (Of Meat Grinders and Men)
  • More Hits from the Conventional Wisdom Mailbag
  • International Taxes?
  • Will Political Correctness Indoctrinate our Youth?

February 26, 2006

  • What’s So Great About Ethanol?
  • When Weakness Rules (Short Circuits)
  • In the Age of Terror, a War on Torino
  • The Port Security Controversy
  • Teaching with Laptops

February 19, 2006

  • Playing God and Stealing Land
  • Meet The New Bosses (Same As The Old Bosses)
  • Unlike You, I Have Nothing Smart To Say About Those Anti-Muslim Cartoons In That Danish Newspaper
  • The Ever-Growing Federal Budget
  • The U.S. Supreme Court in History and Today

February 12, 2006

  • Addicted to Nonsense
  • Frozen In Time (Greco-Roman Sculpture and National Policy)
  • The First Annual State of the Union Wet T-Shirt Contest
  • A Real Washington Scandal
  • Jeb and George Bush: True Education Reformers

February 5, 2006

  • You’re Under Surveillance
  • Strategy Versus Tactics (Them and US)
  • Right Brain + Left Brain = No Brain
  • Federalizing Social Policy
  • Is a Bilingual Society a School Mandate?

January 29, 2006

  • Smearing Conservative Writers
  • D.A.M. (Mothers Against Dyslexia)
  • Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Gore
  • New Rules, Same Game
  • Education’s Iron Curtain

January 22, 2006

  • Partisanship + Stupidity = Democrats
  • The Bridge To Eternity (American Democratic Dissociation Syndrome)
  • The Sad, Impending Demise of Napoleon Dynamite
  • Federal Courts and the Growth of Government Power
  • “Heads” Bin Laden Wins, (Turning) Tails, Bush Loses

January 15, 2006

  • Animal Loving Freaks
  • Pat Robertson Sings The Blues
  • Scandals are a Symptom, Not a Cause
  • Stossel Launches Potent Strike for Education Revolution

January 8, 2006

  • An Attack on Iran is Inevitable
  • Conventional Wisdom Answers Your Letters
  • Politics and Judicial Activism
  • Actions Speak Louder Than Words

January 1, 2006

  • Global Predictions for 2006
  • A Modest Proposal (How To Plug the National Security Leak)
  • 2005: The Year In Headlines
  • Peace and Prosperity in 2006?

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Lady Liberty's "Their View" Contributors:

Alan Caruba
Alan Caruba is the founder of The National Anxiety Center, a clearinghouse for information about "scare campaigns," begun in 1990 initially to debunk environmental claims but which has since expanded to include many other topics such as education, immigration, and Islam. Caruba began his professional career as a working journalist and, since the 1970s, has been a public relations counselor. He is the author of several books and has written numerous magazine articles over the years.

R.A. Hawkins
Richard Hawkins was born in Aurora, Colorado and grew up in Littleton, Colorado in a quiet little neighborhood nobody has ever heard of called Columbine Knolls. He has been married to the same woman for twenty-six years, and worked for the same aerospace company for twenty-eight. His primary interests over the years have been his family, sociology, mastering his survival skills, windsurfing, music, politics, raising wolves, art of all types, mycology, perma-culture, archeological anomalies, geo-politics and staying gainfully employed; not necessarily in that order. He often describes himself as a separate subspecies of human – ‘Eclecticus-Iconoclastimus’. His primary driving force is his unwavering belief that as sovereign citizens we are each responsible not only for our own beliefs and actions, but where those beliefs and actions take us in life: That the truly intelligent person learns to determine what the consequences might be for our beliefs and actions and then acts accordingly. Our individual actions always affect far more than we can imagine. R.A. Hawkins is the author of "Through Eyes of Shiva," available via Amazon.com. More of Mr. Hawkins' commentaries can be found on his web site, Entropical Paradise.

Jonathan David Morris
Jonathan David Morris is a political writer based in New Jersey. A strong believer in small government, JDM often takes aim at oppressive taxes, entitlements, and laws, writing about incompetence at the highest levels of culture and government. Catch his weekly ramblings on his web site.

Rep. Ron Paul Congressman Ron Paul of Texas enjoys a national reputation as the premier advocate for liberty in politics today. Dr. Paul is the leading spokesman in Washington for limited constitutional government, low taxes, free markets, and a return to sound monetary policies based on commodity-backed currency. He is known among both his colleagues in Congress and his constituents for his consistent voting record in the House of Representatives: Dr. Paul never votes for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution. In the words of former Treasury Secretary William Simon, Dr. Paul is the "one exception to the Gang of 535" on Capitol Hill.

Nancy Salvato
Nancy Salvato is the President of The Basics Project, a non-profit, non-partisan research and educational project whose mission is to promote the education of the American public on the basic elements of relevant political, legal and social issues important to our country. She is an experienced educator and an independent contractor with Prism Educational Consulting. She serves as Educational Liaison for Illinois Senator Carole Pankau. She works nationally and locally furthering the cause of Education Reform. Her writing is widely published on the internet and occasionally in print venues such as the Washington Times. Her opinions have been heard on select radio programs across the nation. Additionally, her writing has been recognized by the US Secretary of Education.

 

Their View

 
 

What They Thought August 13, 2006

Alan Caruba
R.A. Hawkins
Jonathan David Morris
Rep. Ron Paul
Nancy Salvato

Click here for columnist bios


 
 


Alan Caruba
Lebanon, the Imaginary Nation

“Before the Israeli attack, Lebanon no longer existed, it was no more than a hologram.” This is what the Lebanese journalist, Michael Behe, wrote on July 30. His commentary was posted on the website of the Metula News Agency in Beirut.

To understand the Lebanese situation, it helps to know that, despite a history that dates back to biblical times, modern Lebanon was literally the invention of Western powers, England and France, after WWI in 1920. It became independent of France in the early 1940s.

Then, in the 1970s, the Palestinians, driven out of Jordan and elsewhere, moved in. Doing what they do best, they started a civil war and, in 1978, after a Palestine Liberation Organization attack killed 37 Israeli civilians, Israel launched an offensive to drive them away from its northern border.

In 1982, Israel again invaded in response to attacks. Christian Lebanese troops entered Palestinian refugee camps and massacred hundreds. The era of the Palestinians was over, but by the next decade its successor, Hezbollah, was routinely shelling Israel, provoking Israeli military responses. After a long occupation of southern Lebanon, in 2000 Israel decided to withdraw its troops.

On February 14, 2005, Rafiq al-Hariri, a former prime minister of Lebanon, was assassinated in Beirut. His death points back to Damascus. He had become an outspoken opponent to the Syrian occupation of Lebanon that had begun 1976, a year after the outbreak of the civil war. In the years that followed, thousands of Lebanese were brutally imprisoned or killed by Syrian occupiers.

By 1991, the domination of Lebanon by Syria had been formalized with a defense and security agreement. This was followed two years later by an economic agreement in which Lebanon’s true status as a colony of Syria was made official.

Hariri’s assassination generated a rally in which the streets of Beirut filled with anti-Syrian Lebanese. It was dubbed the “Cedar Revolution” and lasted about five minutes. Days later, on March 8, 2005 Hezbollah was able to put over a million other Lebanese into the streets. This was followed by an election that was so gerrymandered only pro-Syrian candidates had any chance of being elected. Hezbollah had reinvented itself as a political party.

Under intense international pressure, Syria prudently removed its troops from Lebanon after the Hariri assassination. An earlier 2004 United Nations Security Council resolution 1559 demanding this action had been ignored. The various elected governments of Lebanon had turned a blind eye to the growth of Hezbollah. Funded and trained by Iran and supplied through Syria, Hezbollah was in charge.

As Behe noted, there were parts of Beirut where its own citizens, including its police and army, were forbidden access. “A square measuring a kilometer wide, a capital within the capital, permanently guarded by the (Hezbollah) army, possessing its own institution, its schools, its tribunals, its radio, its television and above all, its government.”  It was precisely this part of Beirut the Israeli air force destroyed. The rest of the city, as of July 30, was left intact.

The problem for Lebanon is the problem for the world.

Muslims resist or are restrained from living in a modern, sovereign, secular nation. Iraq was secular because a dictator made it that way. Turkey was secular because its modern founder, Ataturk, turned it toward Europe in 1925 and away from Muslim traditions and governance.

Modern Lebanon's problem is demography. In 1943 when its constitution was established, a “national pact” ensured representation by both Christians and Muslims with top offices being allocated to each group. Today, Muslims are the largest part of Lebanon’s population, easily 75% or more. The Lebanese government failed its citizens and the Lebanese who voted Hezbollah politicians into power betrayed their nation.

Lebanon today is an imaginary nation.

Destroyed by the Palestinians led by Yassir Arafat, occupied by Syria, Lebanon is now nothing more than the tool of Iranians who are busy preparing their own people for a war with the Israelis, the British, and the Americans.

And how long are we going to wait around until they achieve that?

How long was Israel supposed to wait while Lebanon/Hezbollah/Iran continued to kidnap its soldiers and shoot rockets into their homeland? The Palestinians of Hamas were enough of nuisance in their own right, but Hezbollah was a real army and one that has been trained and armed by the Iranians.

In the last world war, America, Britain, and other allied nations expended years and thousands of lives to win against the dictatorships of Germany and Japan. In the end, we demanded and got "unconditional surrender." That is what we are going to need to do in the Middle East to free ourselves from the threat of the Islamic Jihad.

Alan Caruba     Web Site      Contact     Back to Top 

 
 


R.A. Hawkins

No column this week.

R.A. Hawkins       Web Site       Contact       Back to Top


 
 


Jonathan David Morris
Hypocrisy On Steroids

I can’t take it anymore.

Enough with the whining. Stop it with the hypocrisy.

A couple of weeks ago, Floyd Landis was an ex-Mennonite turned Tour de France hero. People were calling him the new face of sports bravery for winning the world’s toughest bike race in spite of needing a hip replacement.

Today, he’s a cheater — a bona fide louse, a man who betrayed his sport and country — because he tested positive for unusually (read: suspiciously) high levels of testosterone. Now, instead of singing his praises, all I’m hearing from people is, “Say it ain’t so, Floyd.” All anyone wants to do is bitch and moan about “another” fallen hero taking a bite of that forbidden, albeit performance-enhancing, fruit called steroids.

Just stop already.

Honestly. Please. For the love of God.

Just stop.

Yes, the man was caught doping. No, that doesn’t mean he betrayed his sport or his country… or the three or four people who actually follow his sport in his country.

Landis has denied any and all steroid allegations, but the truth is, whether he used or not, it doesn’t matter. Maybe officially, legally, in the context of rulebooks, it matters. But not in reality. In reality, steroids only matter because we’ve decided they matter. And we’ve only decided they matter because of some vain belief they “taint” this or “cheat us out of” that.

In truth, steroids cheat us out of nothing.

I know we all want to believe sports are “real,” and that steroids make the real “unreal” in some way or another. But that unreality is relative. A guy winning a race on steroids looks the same on TV as a guy winning a race without them. This is all that matters now that everyone in every sport seems to be juicing.

If fairness were the issue here, every athlete could use steroids and no one would be arguing. Instead, every athlete seems to be using them, and we’re still trying to ban them anyway. This can only be because we believe steroids are somehow immoral. It can only be because we believe Landis’s victory somehow besmirches past Tour champions — or because we believe Barry Bonds somehow destroys the credibility of baseball’s homerun records.

To believe these things is to believe there’s something immoral about human progress.

Floyd Landis needs a new hip, and here he’s winning races. Barry Bonds is in his early 40s and until recently was hitting homeruns like a guy in his late 20s. If drugs are making these things possible, it would be more unnatural not to take those drugs. How many middle-aged men are taking Viagra or Cialis, for instance? And what are those, if not performance enhancers?

How many people take allergy pills just to make it through work during allergy season? How many drink coffee just to make it through work every day of every season, all throughout the year?

When faced with certain obstacles, human beings innovate. When they want it bad enough, they’ll find a way to match their will to win.

If we’re going to accuse steroid-using athletes of cheating — if we’re going to say their achievements shouldn’t count — then how can we include Ernest Hemingway and Edgar Allen Poe in the pantheon of great American writers? Both men drank heavily. Alcohol was their performance enhancer. How was this fair to sober writers? Writers who didn’t drink couldn’t possibly compete.

Much the same, is it fair for a short man wearing lifts in his shoes to compete for dates with short men who don’t wear them? Wearing lifts may be a little different than injecting something into your body. But at its heart, how’s it different than taking human growth hormone? How’s it different than drinking coffee or alcohol, or taking Cialis, or doing any of the other things people do to enhance their natural endowments?

I’m not saying pro athletes necessarily should be on steroids. Nor am I saying pro sports leagues have no right to ban them. I understand performance-enhancing drugs can have negative long-term side effects. Ultimately, that may be a great reason not to use them. But the medications we take in our kitchens every morning can have negative long-term side effects, too. Sometimes we don’t even know how those medications will affect us in the long-term. But we take them anyway, because we believe the benefits outweigh the possible risks.

Some athletes juice with the very same mindset. And not just to gain a competitive edge, either. Sometimes a pitcher using HGH does so to overcome the physical pains of what he’s being paid for. Yet we hold him to a much different standard. We don’t yell about the “credibility” of our personal health histories when we pop our pills each morning; we only yell about credibility when athletes are popping theirs.

It’s not unusual for a society to project deep-rooted feelings onto its sports heroes. Deep down, maybe we fear our society’s overly medicated — and maybe that’s why we’ve dismissed performance enhancers categorically. In the end, though, I think the argument that steroids “send kids a bad message” tells us everything we need to know here. We think it’s immoral for science to help kids run faster, jump higher, or overcome the effects of time on their bodies. Yet drugs that sedate kids and make ‘em sit still in a classroom? Those, we have no qualms with.

There’s a common thread throughout this discussion. The idea that we should make do with our lot in life is it. But that mentality is self-defeating. And considering the lengths we’ll go to just to look and feel better in this society, it also makes us a fat bunch of hypocrites.

Jonathan David Morris      Web Site      Contact     Back to Top    


 
 


Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX)

The Threat of Rising Property Taxes
August 7, 2006

In recent weeks I’ve written about how inflation is alive and well, especially when it comes to the cost of housing, energy, gas, and education. But perhaps the most worrisome type of inflation comes in the form of steadily rising property taxes.

Property taxes keep going up for most Texans, and people living on fixed incomes are especially concerned. They often find their homes being reassessed every year at values far beyond what they originally paid. So an annual property tax bill that once was a manageable $500 or $700 might now be $1500 or $2000.

Of course Texas tax laws are made in Austin, not Washington. Assessments are made at the county level. And the Texas legislature recently passed HB1, which does provide some real property tax relief over the next three years.

But as a Texas taxpayer myself, I would like the state legislature to consider an additional proposal.

Specifically, end the practice of annual assessments. Properties should be reassessed for tax purposes only when sold or ownership is otherwise transferred. The current system is terrifying for seniors forced to pay more and more each year, with no idea where they will find the money. And unlike other bills, property taxes must be paid or else one’s home can be taken away. My office hears from seniors who may have no choice but to leave Texas altogether because they cannot live with the uncertainty of arbitrary property tax increases. They literally fear losing their homes.

At the federal level, Congress can act now to provide relief to those paying high property taxes. Although property taxes are deductible on your federal tax return, the current rules require taxpayers to itemize to take the deduction. Many people have a hard time paying $2,000 or $3,000 in property taxes, but they don’t have enough other itemized deductions to exceed the standard deduction.

I introduced HR 5860 to address this problem. This legislation creates an “above the line deduction” on the first page of your 1040, meaning you can deduct every penny of your property taxes without itemizing and still enjoy the full value of your standard deduction. Even taxpayers using 1040A or 1040EZ forms can take the deduction. This means average and lower income taxpayers can take the same deduction for their property taxes that high-income taxpayers with complex deductions now enjoy.

Property taxes are only one piece of the puzzle.

Rep. Ron Paul      Web Site      Back to Top


 
 


Nancy Salvato
Undermining the Covenant between Mother and Child

This is a piece written for divorced parents. It needs to be written on behalf of the non-custodial parent; who wants a relationship with the kids, yet finds the relationship compromised by the other parent. All too often, the non custodial parent is written about as if he/she is deadbeat and has no interest in the children when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am one such parent and the tears I have shed over this situation are far too many to count. 

Many partners entering into a marriage have a fantasy that there will be a “happily ever after.” Too many of us, however, have unresolved issues that bear intense self-evaluation before seriously considering tying the knot.  Unfortunately, there are no pre-Cana programs for those who aren’t Catholic. Indeed, not everyone recognizes their own unresolved issues. This results in a large percentage of people entering into a marital contract for all the wrong reasons, or without a realistic idea of what marriage really entails. Let me clear up a few misconceptions.   

I recently learned about covenants and contracts during a class on the Constitution. The Constitution is a covenant between the people of this country, who have the power to dissolve the government, whose form is more like a contract. Those who hold office are supposed to uphold the covenant. They are contracted to do this. There is a huge difference between these two words. A contract implies that it can be broken if one or the other parties reneges on their obligations. On the other hand, a covenant is a promise to live your life by certain values and meeting certain obligations in order to be assured certain conditions. Breaking a covenant is a much larger ordeal — sort of like having a revolution instead of just changing a few laws or electing different representatives to office. 

A marriage should be thought of as a covenant not to be broken because of the exceptionally large cost which will be wreaked on all the family and friends related to the partners as a married couple. Marriage should not be entered into lightly. It takes a lifelong commitment. If that cannot be absolutely promised, it should not happen. A contract implies that there is an escape clause. Too many people think of marriage as a contract. That is why, in many cases, there are prenuptial agreements between partners in the event that something should go wrong. 

Unfortunately, I entered my first marriage for all the wrong reasons.  I wanted to break the contract, however, the advice that I received from the counselor who I most trusted was to stay in the marriage. Her reasoning was that if his qualities were over 50% good, if he didn’t beat me, cheat, nurse an addiction, and brought home a decent wage, I was doing well. However, I eventually left the marriage because there was one important ingredient that was left out: I wasn’t devoted to him or in love with him. I couldn’t reconcile spending my life with a person I couldn’t put ahead of myself.   

I eventually remarried and that is when most of the problems ensued. I moved out of my ex’s hometown to another suburb. I was devoted to my new spouse, who needed to live in the area where we settled. Because this meant it would be nearly impossible to see my children every day, I opted to have them on alternate weekends and see them in their neighborhood twice a week, plus summers. That sounds reasonable enough…if an ex understands the importance of children having two parents. Unfortunately, my ex-husband does not. 

He made it clear to them that time spent at my house meant being away from their friends and the activities in which they could be involved in what he considered their “real” home. And because he involves himself in their every activity (he is their Scout leader, their soccer coach, is a member of where they worship), this has made it nearly impossible for me to take the lead in anything where they live. If I am to see them, I must see him as well. I must navigate those who are his friends, who do not reach out to me. I am intensely alone when I am in his neighborhood, “his town.” 

The result is that my children have learned not to see me as an authority or as a parent with equal investment in them. I’ve become an accessory, an obligation, an annoyance, depending on the day. For the most part, my ex has left nothing for me to do with them alone except go to dinner. He even interrupts them when I’m at the house (sometimes doing homework with one or the other) to tell them what they must do (all of a sudden, laundry becomes very important, arguments ensue about whether the TV is on) right in front of me, as if I’m a babysitter and am incapable of making decisions about how I spend my time with my own children).

It doesn’t help that schools are not required to call both parents about situations that arise. It doesn’t matter that the divorce decree states that I have an equal voice about their medical care and treatment; their attending doctors simply listen to my ex-husband and don’t feel the need to consult with me when he brings them to their offices. The caregivers understand that he will do whatever he deems necessary and that the children are old enough to go along with his decisions. My kids have been conditioned not to see me as a primary caregiver, whose opinion about their lives should be taken seriously. 

Their father knowingly undermines the minimal time I have with my children (I’ve given up on weekends at my house) by telling them that I’m the one who made life so inconvenient by moving 45 minutes away (only in traffic), that I’m the one who wants to schedule two nights a week with them, which will interfere with sport practices now that they’re in high school. I freely admit I do want them on a weekend or part of the summer. What loving parent wouldn’t? And I do understand that it might interfere with camping or seeing friends where they live. While it is true that I could see them all the time if I’d never moved and tried to have a life apart from my ex-husband, wanting to see my children shouldn’t require the continuation of a dissolved marriage. He has taught my children to refuse to move beyond what are now circumstances that cannot be easily changed. He has taught them limitation. 

He’s taught them there is no need to respect me, that I’ve divorced them as well as him, and that I’m selfish for having a life without them. He treats my relationship with them as a contract, not a covenant. Oddly, that is the same message I received from my own mother about my father when I was a child and they divorced. To this day, I do not have a relationship with my father though I often cry about that void in my life. I don’t want that to happen with my own children but I fear I am beginning to see the writing on the wall. 

Most incredibly, I have an ex who has taught our children that time spent with their mom has no value, that it isn’t important to know their mother. When they see me, there is always something that must be sacrificed. Instead of learning to accept reality by making the best of an otherwise difficult situation, they have been taught to limit their capacity for positive thinking and to dwell on what might have been, building up a resentment toward me that is of late becoming an extremely heavy cross to bear.

I’m sure there are deadbeat parents, parents who think little of spending time with their children, or find dedicating time to them a burden. But there are more parents who have gotten divorced from their spouses and are mortified to find that their kids have become entities included in the divorce settlement rather than living, loving human beings to be cared for and nurtured. This is a tragedy for the children and an exploitation of the non-custodial parent. I could take my ex to court, but my children are teenagers and having been literally brainwashed would look at a judge and say they don’t want to leave their “real” home. They would tell a judge that they don’t want to be taken away from their friends and activities, a notion cultivated by the narcissism of their father.

They would look at a judge and say, "She’s the one who left."

Nancy Salvato       Web Site      Contact    Back to Top    

 
 
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